I mustache you a question.

What the heck is happening right now? I know there's nothing funny about this, but it's in my nature to look for levity. So here are my random thoughts and survival tips.

The good news about my husband and me stocking up for the quarantine without consulting each other: we are the same person. So that bodes well for our marriage.

The bad news: we literally each bought 4 bags of pork rinds, 2 supersize jars of peanut butter, and boxes upon boxes of beef jerky sticks. Who lives on that?

Good news/bad news about Birmingham: bars, restaurants, and gyms are closed. But takeout and curbside drinks are readily available. We can get fat and sassy. #priorities. (Also, watch that clip. You're welcome.)

Speaking of, I feel as if I'm at a fateful fork in the road, and my life can go one of two ways:

I'm going to get plenty of rest, do facial masks, Marie-Kondo my closet, find out my Enneagram number, read through the entire Bible, take a virtual tour of the Louvre, get a ripped bod from online Pilates, donate to charity, bond deeply with loved ones, and learn Japanese.

Or I'm going off the rails! Deep down a dark hole that involves figuring out Tik Tok, then bingeing Love is Blind with a bag of pork rinds in one hand and a bottle of Pinot Grigio in the other. I'll have daytime pajamas versus nighttime pajamas, and snap at my husband for interrupting my online shopping. (Such great sales! Shouldn't I splurge before I lose my income?) I could very well emerge a borderline alcoholic, 50 lbs heavier, unshaven, with gray roots and a unibrow, considering meatballs and jelly beans a normal breakfast.

I assume most people are working from home and this BBC dad knows all about the perils of kids running amok, as you can see in this video. He's back here to talk about the trials and tribulations of balancing family and work in the current climate.

I'll leave you with a few suggestions for personal growth during this time:

• Watch Tiger King immediately. Just trust me.

• I am actually listening to the audible version of The Road Back to You about the Enneagram. Am I a 7? Am I a 9? Because there's nothing like a crisis to make us reflect on who we are and why we react the way we do under stress.

• Watch live cams of puppies! Kitties! Farm animals! The Northern Lights!

• Elton John is doing a free concert Sunday, March 29th with Mariah Carey and Billie Eilish!

• Sing along with Neil Diamond's timely video, then buy this poster for $15 / free shipping. It will stand as a memorial to the insanity that is 2020.

But seriously, my heart is broken for so many things. For people without a job...for everyone dealing with sickness...with worry...with anxiety. For our healthcare workers who are exhausted and feel like they are going into battle every day.

And for those of you who are working from home (some good tips here from Organized Audrey) and all of a sudden responsible for your kids' education - I have no words for that. Except don't compare yourself to that parent whose perfectly behaved children are quietly reading War & Peace in the corner right now.

And I worry about the hospitality industry and how it will survive. And the small businesses that I love here in Birmingham. I'm trying to laugh when nothing really is funny! Praying for better days ahead...

Laura

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